Saturday, March 1, 2008

That Recycled Dream

Emotional doesn't necessarily qualify as emo, right?
This week was supposed to be a busy week. It was supposed to be a fine week.
What I didn't expect was Jarrod walking up to me and class, and telling me, "Oh, Christine, I took those recommendation papers you gave me, and I recycled them. Hopefully..."
The rest just kind of died off.

Of all of the emotional breakdowns I've had through high school, I have never had one this deafening before. When I look back now, it makes me wonder what made me crack exactly. It was a simple, positive thing. He had recycled trash papers, basically.

But I couldn't stop the chain of events that occurred from then on. I stepped out of the classroom twice, and each time, I stopped the flow of emotions. I think...It might be mental conditioning, but it's become so easy. I know it's my choice. That stops it all. But when a classmate asked me what was wrong, everything just broke.

I wanted so hard to stop it, because rationally, my brain knew this was the stupidest thing anybody could do. Why the hell would you cry over something that didn't even matter anymore? I ended up disrupting most of the class (luckily, Chris was just doing his usual personal consultation on each individual's project, so it wasn't a lecture or anything...everyone was kind of roaming). Chris offered to let me go to his office, but two of my friends (most awesome girls ever, really) took me out of the room and out to a coffee shop instead. What exactly was said, I can barely remember. Wordbarf just came out of my mouth, and it kept coming.

Why the hell is everything I type EMO? I'm stopping. I'm sorry you hear the same shit over and over again. I'm not going to delete this though. I want to remember this. I need to remember this point in my life.

More relevant information...I'm working on a model for Anthro class--we have to design our own workspace. I got to use the laser-cutter on these, and so that's why they look so nice! Then I stole pictures from deviantart to decorate my "walls", and googled images to paste on (e.g. the computer screen and tablet, etc). I think my favorite part was "upholstering" the chair with felt. Yummy. Shockingly, this took me all freakin' day. ;0; Now, I must go do my PowerPoint presentation. Another sleepless night in Auburn. LOL.


happyapathy said...

i'm sorry what happen i wish i was there! it's alright i mean yeah a good cry is great but i know it's embarrassing in front of people. i mean i don't think it's not quite depression i think it's just you cracked and can't explain why like i did that monday bleh...

anyways just keep your heads up ust watch thishigh i know we're being constantly drained by our major. i mean yeah i wish i wasn't pursuing my major or even this major here but i have to accept it. i feel i wish i did it three years ago i just want to smack myself sometime but i have to look it at this way.... if i wasn't here i wouldn't meant awesome folks like you and motivational folks like you. i completely turned my life around and become what i want to at the best ability i can. i mean yeah our parents may have bound us due to money, interest, not believing in us and so on...

i wouldn't probably be the same person if i did change things in the past i mean yeah it was crappy but it made me turn into the person i wanted to. whoa i sound too lecturing huh? or hopefully philosophical whatever... but yeah please don't cover up your emotion when you do feel down i mean a good cry is good and yeah you can't help getting upset because something triggers it. i have faith in you to get through this you have far more talent than any friend i meant and the openminded-ness helps trust me. keep doing your cons and do whatever pleases you and yeah you can cry on me lol.

oh if you need a pick me up you should go to

just a cheer for you from happyslip she's amazing!

Sarah A said...

i thought the tape was a little yellow doggie bed at first.

just sayin'

Anonymous said...

great information you write it very clean. I'm very lucky to get

this details from you.

Anonymous said...

My developer is trying to convince me to move to .net from PHP.
I have always disliked the idea because of the expenses.

But he's tryiong none the less. I've been using Movable-type on a variety of websites for about a year and am
worried about switching to another platform.
I have heard fantastic things about Is there a way I can import all my
wordpress posts into it? Any help would be really appreciated!

my site; Hawaii fishing

Anonymous said...

I loved as much as you will receive carried out right here.
The sketch is attractive, your authored material stylish.
nonetheless, you command get got an nervousness over that you wish be delivering the following.

unwell unquestionably come further formerly again since
exactly the same nearly a lot often inside case you shield this hike.

Feel free to visit my web site - money lending

Anonymous said...

Good web site you've got here.. It's hard to find quality writing like yours nowadays.
I truly appreciate people like you! Take care!!

My web-site where can i get credit with bad credit